So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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