he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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