i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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