soooo we both peed the bed last night...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
