I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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