apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I cut my penus on the lid.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
