Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't turn off my feet"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
