I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just high enough for therapy.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
