matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
