so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
