Banned from zoo.
Again?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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