Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
