I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
