why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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