He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
