Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
