hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
don't judge my taste in strippers
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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