They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
