He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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