i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
