Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
