you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
