I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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