3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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