HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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