her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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