so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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