I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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