so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
