i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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