i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
