I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize