Will you blow on my dice?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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