Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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