watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
