I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
