Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy