I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.