my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.