we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
