Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize