Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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