just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want to make out with him forever
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
