This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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