I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
two words: eviction party
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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