i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i think i have two assholes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
