i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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