Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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