I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
