I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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