Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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