I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
