she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
