all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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