I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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