Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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