Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
