i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
