Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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