Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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