Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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