I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
