I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
