i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
