If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
