dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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